The Lifeguard's Call

 

I was bothered about my walk with God recently. I seemed to have lost touch... I sensed a disconnect, but there was just this weakness I felt that did not want intimacy. My soul pants, but my strength falters.

Yes, I had forgotten that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. So I sat there, feeling overwhelmed and decided to take stock of the year by revising the expectations I wrote down last December—goals spanning all areas of my life. As I reviewed them, I saw I achieved only those relating to my career. Had I become so ambitious that I shifted my gaze from my ultimate calling on earth? I got caught up with activities and achievements, everything was drowning me, and I lost sight of the Lifeguard.

Then I saw the words He gave me to run with for the year:

"I have made crooked places straight, I have given you promises. Don't seek for convince, seek after me. Seek for your weaknesses, it's in your weakness I am made strong. You can't have the future figured out, you have to live a lifestyle of faith."

This was a call to dependence.

I forgot that my life isn't meant to be one of control and predictability, but of surrender and trust... little wonder my anxiety level was at its peak. Instead of walking with Him, I sought ease and convenience. I leaned on my own strength, feeling like my own superhero, "I've got this," while striving to maintain the illusion of control. I neglected the vulnerability necessary for intimacy. I took my wheel of dependence and got into the driver's seat. I was striving for the illusion of ease.

Striving has worn me out, so here I am, reminded that dependence isn't weakness, but the foundation of faith.